Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
