It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
