i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
