If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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