His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
