hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
