Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
