...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
