Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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