I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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