I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
