We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
