About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
