she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize