He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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