i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
