i permit you to call me
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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