You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
