I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
