Yo dont text me then not text me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize