i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
