**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
