Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
