is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
