i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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