I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
