I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
