her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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