Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
