All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
