would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
