If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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