im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
