I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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