She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
