i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
