Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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