Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my shit smells like andre
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
