I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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