i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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