wrigley field is MILF paradise
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
