just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
