I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
