Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
