I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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