Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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