I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize