Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
