so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
