I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize