In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
