She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
