You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
