If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
