her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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