mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
