and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
