I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
