the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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