I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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