Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
