Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
