We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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