Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize