hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
