You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
