What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
