what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
