Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
