My hand turned me down
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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