You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All the doctor said was why
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
