friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
