Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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