You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
