There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
