its not stalking. its research.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He has the fingertips of a God
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