Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize