I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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