Say something about gay babies.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
