I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My feet surprised me
Randomize
