Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
