with your own penis?
I wish I could teleport
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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