Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I want to be your penis for a week.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
