My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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