remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
