is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
