so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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