life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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