there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
