So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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