Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ladies don't puke and tell
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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