if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
