i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
