the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
