It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
