Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
