Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
