I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
