Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
