he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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