I want to make a zoo with you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I will pee on everything he values.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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